I've been mulling over this post for a while. Despite what you might have thought when you clicked on this link, it is not about my husband and my daughters (at least not on the surface). It is about me and my dad.
For years I talked about my "real dad" and my "step dad". This was for lack of a better term; biological dad sounded ridiculous. The reality is, I have two dads. Really. I have been blessed to have two men help shape my adulthood. I've joked with my mom for years that my husband could not be a better mix of both of these men. It's true...and kind of weird.
My dad, the man who gave me half of my DNA (and more than half of my strong-willed personality, if you ask my mom), and I have not always seen eye to eye. It is not a secret that my parents were very young when I was born. My mom was 16 and my dad was 17. This is shocking to many because I seem so "normal". lol I've been told this many times...and this is, honestly, a testament to my mother...keep reading. For years my dad and I had a very sketchy relationship. I remember hating to visit him at times and being enamored with him at others. As an adult I have come to understand that this negativity between us stems largely from our similarities; note: strong-willed personalities. I remember crying when I had to get on the plane to visit him in Colorado. And I remember rolling my eyes at him...a lot. But I also remember laughing so hard that I cried, screaming while I was going down the Alpine Slide, white water rafting, and watching my first MLB baseball game. But all of these good memories were tainted for the longest time. I missed him. I felt like he had abandoned me. And it didn't matter that I had a wonderful step-father who loved me like I was his own child, I wanted my dad. And I spent many years feeling like I wasn't good enough because he wasn't around. But for years my mom "made" me get on that plane. And she made sure that we talked on the phone. She bridged the gaps between my dad's family and her own, even if it meant driving me to multiple houses on holidays. And even though, at the time, I didn't understand her decisions, and I didn't always (okay, rarely) agreed with them, she was right to do it, and I am better off because of it.
It wasn't until I was about 16 or 17 (not coincidentally the ages of my parents at my birth) that I started to understand what it must have been like for my parents. Until that time, I hadn't known anything differently. I had a young mom. So what? I went to Kindergarten singing "Like a Virgin". So what? I was happy, healthy, and, really, living in my own world. But as I neared adulthood, and I looked at what lay ahead of me, I began to realize what my birth meant to my parents' futures. Not in an "I bet they wish I had never been born" kind of way. It was really just a realization of what it must have meant for their lives to be turned upside down. To have people tell them (people that they loved) that they shouldn't "keep" me, that they'd never be successful parents. To have to fight that battle and break those stereotypes EVERY DAY! I began to understand. They were kids. Really. My mom stepped up to the plate in a way that I don't understand, even today. I couldn't have done it the way she did. My dad still, to this day, reminds me what a remarkable woman my mom is. But we all know what they say about the maturity level of teenage boys. I began to understand how scared and overwhelmed my dad had felt. I began to understand that it didn't have anything to do with me. And I began to forgive him.
And then my grandmother died. And I was devastated. I was just beginning to reconcile all of these conflicting emotions I was harboring, and my world was turned upside down. There are so many days that I look at Bella and Sophia and hear what Grandma Resy would say about them! She was an amazingly kind-hearted woman. I am so blessed to have so many memories of her (again, I thank my mom for this). But this unexpected heart-breaking event brought my dad and I closer together. Maybe that was her last gift to us; a reminder of life's fragility. And a challenge not to let the past rob us of a future.
For the last ten years my dad and I have reconciled the past. We've talked about it. A lot. We've cleared the air. We've let go. And I've forgiven. I've learned a lot about myself by rebuilding my relationship with my dad. And in the process I found a great friend. My dad makes me laugh. He keeps me grounded. He tells me like it is. He challenges me to think outside of the box. He pushes me to do the right thing, even when that may be the hardest path. And he loves me. My dad tells me, more than anyone I know, that he's proud of me. He compliments me more on my abilities and successes as a parent than about anything else. And he's never shy about his past. He's told me, "I know what I'm talking about because I've made a lot of poor parenting decisions. But you and Jason are excellent parents." I'm not sure that there is anything more vulnerable or genuine than those words.
Letting go of the past and allowing yourself to move forward is the most difficult decision anyone can make. But it is a decision. It is a choice. It is empowering. And it is beautiful.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I'm Late..I'm Late...
Dear Lord, smack yourself for thinking I was talking about THAT kind of late!!!
The late I'm talking about is the habitual 15 minutes, thank you cards in the mail 3 months after the fact, one week, two weeks, 6 weeks late for birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day/Grandparents' Day/you name it! I'm wondering if there will ever come a day when I will get these things out in a timely fashion. I recently found a Halloween craft the Bella made for my dad...last year...in an envelope, addressed, just waiting to be stamped and mailed.
I have the best of intentions. I buy Father's Day cards for my dads weeks in advance, but they sit on the counter until a week after.
I bought a sentimental Christmas card for Jason only to leave it tucked away in a folder (where he couldn't find it!)
I made Grandparents' Day crafts/frames for 8 different grandparents...they've been sitting on my counter for two weeks.
Thank you cards for Sophia's birthday (6 weeks ago). Thank you cards for my birthday (also 6 weeks ago). Grandparents' Day (1 1/2 weeks ago). But just when I breathed a sigh of relief, I realized that I forgot two thank yous. But in the grand scheme of things, I think this is pretty good. Last year's thank yous from Bella's birthday and Christmas never made it out of the house. Or at least I'm pretty sure about this. Maybe a few made it, but I am almost 98% positive I never wrote them/mailed them. I am not proud of this. Not at all. But in my defense, I had a 2 year old and a 4 month old; try to keep things organized enough to write thank you notes...just didn't happen. And the reality is, living away from so many generous family members and friends, our house has turned into a Fed-Ex hub around the holidays. I have to find a better tracking system...don't open ANYTHING until Christmas!
It would be really easy to just brush this off, send a quick text with a picture of Sophia playing with her toys and say "thanks". But that's not what I was taught. The written thank you note is an under appreciated novelty these days. As a child I was not allowed to cash a check or have the money I was given for my birthday or Christmas until I sat down and wrote the thank you. This practice is so engrained in me that I still do this. I just deposited checks for Sophia last night. This is something I want my children to do. I want them to understand how meaningful it is to take a few moments to write a personalized thank you. I don't write "Thanks for the gift." I tend to write a novel...go figure! I write something specific about how Sophia has reacted to the present (some things she was obsessed with right out of the box) or something silly ("Sometimes I have to wrestle Bella to play with my new Minnie Mouse, but don't worry, I win!") or if we're saving the checks, what we're planning on doing with them ("Mommy and Daddy are saving your generous gift to put toward a new swing set for me and Bella.") I want everyone to know that we are sincerely grateful for their kindness and generosity. And that we understand how blessed we are to have such wonderful friends and family members. It is worth the time to let our family know they are appreciated.
So, to those who fell through the cracks last holiday season, please don't believe for a second that we were ungrateful. Or that we didn't take the time, with each gift, to talk about who it was from and how thoughtful it was that you had sent it (Christmas presents took us three days!). We take our time. It's not a wrapping paper destroying party. It's really an opportunity to teach our children about the kindness and generosity of others. And I promise you, we took our time with your gift. We made a connection with Bella about the gift. This is evident, when months later, she will play with a toy and say, "This puzzle is from my friend Sophia, for my birthday."
Tonight Bella said to me when I tucked her in, "Are you going to sleep now? Or are you writing thank yous? To Mimi and Papa?. Okay, Mommy. That's very nice."
Our children are listening, watching, and absorbing every single facet of our lives, and tonight I am very proud of this.
The late I'm talking about is the habitual 15 minutes, thank you cards in the mail 3 months after the fact, one week, two weeks, 6 weeks late for birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day/Grandparents' Day/you name it! I'm wondering if there will ever come a day when I will get these things out in a timely fashion. I recently found a Halloween craft the Bella made for my dad...last year...in an envelope, addressed, just waiting to be stamped and mailed.
I have the best of intentions. I buy Father's Day cards for my dads weeks in advance, but they sit on the counter until a week after.
I bought a sentimental Christmas card for Jason only to leave it tucked away in a folder (where he couldn't find it!)
I made Grandparents' Day crafts/frames for 8 different grandparents...they've been sitting on my counter for two weeks.
Tonight I finally tackled my list...
Thank you cards for Sophia's birthday (6 weeks ago). Thank you cards for my birthday (also 6 weeks ago). Grandparents' Day (1 1/2 weeks ago). But just when I breathed a sigh of relief, I realized that I forgot two thank yous. But in the grand scheme of things, I think this is pretty good. Last year's thank yous from Bella's birthday and Christmas never made it out of the house. Or at least I'm pretty sure about this. Maybe a few made it, but I am almost 98% positive I never wrote them/mailed them. I am not proud of this. Not at all. But in my defense, I had a 2 year old and a 4 month old; try to keep things organized enough to write thank you notes...just didn't happen. And the reality is, living away from so many generous family members and friends, our house has turned into a Fed-Ex hub around the holidays. I have to find a better tracking system...don't open ANYTHING until Christmas!
It would be really easy to just brush this off, send a quick text with a picture of Sophia playing with her toys and say "thanks". But that's not what I was taught. The written thank you note is an under appreciated novelty these days. As a child I was not allowed to cash a check or have the money I was given for my birthday or Christmas until I sat down and wrote the thank you. This practice is so engrained in me that I still do this. I just deposited checks for Sophia last night. This is something I want my children to do. I want them to understand how meaningful it is to take a few moments to write a personalized thank you. I don't write "Thanks for the gift." I tend to write a novel...go figure! I write something specific about how Sophia has reacted to the present (some things she was obsessed with right out of the box) or something silly ("Sometimes I have to wrestle Bella to play with my new Minnie Mouse, but don't worry, I win!") or if we're saving the checks, what we're planning on doing with them ("Mommy and Daddy are saving your generous gift to put toward a new swing set for me and Bella.") I want everyone to know that we are sincerely grateful for their kindness and generosity. And that we understand how blessed we are to have such wonderful friends and family members. It is worth the time to let our family know they are appreciated.
So, to those who fell through the cracks last holiday season, please don't believe for a second that we were ungrateful. Or that we didn't take the time, with each gift, to talk about who it was from and how thoughtful it was that you had sent it (Christmas presents took us three days!). We take our time. It's not a wrapping paper destroying party. It's really an opportunity to teach our children about the kindness and generosity of others. And I promise you, we took our time with your gift. We made a connection with Bella about the gift. This is evident, when months later, she will play with a toy and say, "This puzzle is from my friend Sophia, for my birthday."
Tonight Bella said to me when I tucked her in, "Are you going to sleep now? Or are you writing thank yous? To Mimi and Papa?. Okay, Mommy. That's very nice."
Our children are listening, watching, and absorbing every single facet of our lives, and tonight I am very proud of this.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Are you going to try for another?
A few random "ah-ha" moments from the week...
It doesn't matter how often I do the their laundry, my children manage to fill up their hamper before I get a chance to put the last load away.
If I wait long enough, I've almost emptied the dishwasher by using the dishes in it!
I can get a week's worth of work done if I just get to work 30 minutes earlier...and close my door.
No one compares to your favorite babysitter. (Who happens to be coming home from college next weekend...already booked her!)
Even when I say I'm going to go to bed early, it NEVER happens!
Okay, now on to the important stuff...
No mother wants to be judged. Especially not by another mother, or worse, another woman who doesn't have children (and happens to still live a "dream" life). So in order to "save" herself, if a mother wants/needs to say something that might be perceived as negative, she will undoubtedly begin with something like, "Don't get me wrong, I love my kids..."
So, don't get me wrong, I love my kids (lol), but last week I spent a lot of time with Sophia. Because I stayed home from work with her two days last week, I had the opportunity to just hang out with her. I didn't have much work to do at the time, so it was kind of nice. She wasn't feeling well, so we couldn't do much, but it was nice to just hang out with her. At one point we were sitting on the couch and I thought about how much easier my life would be if we had only had Bella. But this wasn't in the I-wish-we-never-had-a-second-baby type of way. It was in the I-sure-as-Hell-don't-want-a-third way! I look at Sophia and I love her in a way that I didn't know that I could. I love her in the way I was afraid I would never be able to. I look at her sleeping and I feel overwhelmed with joy. And lately I'm looking at her and thinking about how quickly she's growing. She's a toddler. A full fledged toddler. And she's happy (as long as there isn't an ear infection on the horizon!). We have finally moved onto milk...lactose free milk, but still milk. And we've moved beyond bottles. Why would I want to go back? We're moving into the stage that requires little more than a cup in order to leave the house for hours. She can walk out to the car. They are moving her up to the toddler room at school a few days a week. Why start over? In all honesty, I look at her and think about the hard times. The sleepless nights and the crying. And maybe it's selfish, but I'm happy with my two girls. There are two legs in my lap, two hands to hold, and two cheeks just begging to be kissed. Two hips and to arms in order to balance my two girls. That's perfect for me.
It doesn't matter how often I do the their laundry, my children manage to fill up their hamper before I get a chance to put the last load away.
If I wait long enough, I've almost emptied the dishwasher by using the dishes in it!
I can get a week's worth of work done if I just get to work 30 minutes earlier...and close my door.
No one compares to your favorite babysitter. (Who happens to be coming home from college next weekend...already booked her!)
Even when I say I'm going to go to bed early, it NEVER happens!
Okay, now on to the important stuff...
No mother wants to be judged. Especially not by another mother, or worse, another woman who doesn't have children (and happens to still live a "dream" life). So in order to "save" herself, if a mother wants/needs to say something that might be perceived as negative, she will undoubtedly begin with something like, "Don't get me wrong, I love my kids..."
So, don't get me wrong, I love my kids (lol), but last week I spent a lot of time with Sophia. Because I stayed home from work with her two days last week, I had the opportunity to just hang out with her. I didn't have much work to do at the time, so it was kind of nice. She wasn't feeling well, so we couldn't do much, but it was nice to just hang out with her. At one point we were sitting on the couch and I thought about how much easier my life would be if we had only had Bella. But this wasn't in the I-wish-we-never-had-a-second-baby type of way. It was in the I-sure-as-Hell-don't-want-a-third way! I look at Sophia and I love her in a way that I didn't know that I could. I love her in the way I was afraid I would never be able to. I look at her sleeping and I feel overwhelmed with joy. And lately I'm looking at her and thinking about how quickly she's growing. She's a toddler. A full fledged toddler. And she's happy (as long as there isn't an ear infection on the horizon!). We have finally moved onto milk...lactose free milk, but still milk. And we've moved beyond bottles. Why would I want to go back? We're moving into the stage that requires little more than a cup in order to leave the house for hours. She can walk out to the car. They are moving her up to the toddler room at school a few days a week. Why start over? In all honesty, I look at her and think about the hard times. The sleepless nights and the crying. And maybe it's selfish, but I'm happy with my two girls. There are two legs in my lap, two hands to hold, and two cheeks just begging to be kissed. Two hips and to arms in order to balance my two girls. That's perfect for me.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Is tomorrow already Friday?
Tomorrow is Friday? I had no idea. This week is flying by...
This is the biggest lie of my life! This has been the most insane week EVER! It's Thursday and I've been to work once. And, no, this isn't a good thing. I actually like my job, and was starting to fall into a routine...enter Sophia, stage left! (We cursed ourselves by saying she was the easy one when she was born...she took this as a challenge, apparently.)
Let me back up an entire week. Last Thursday my mom and Robbie came to visit. Friday they kept the girls home from school and they spent the day with them. Just when we thought we had Sophia figured out, switched her to Lactose free milk, she throws us another curve ball. Friday the pooping started, Saturday it continued. I toyed with calling the doctor since it was a holiday weekend (I should have trusted my maternal instinct.) Every time they've seen her in the last 6 months she's been sick in one way or another.
Sophia has ear infections ALL THE TIME. I know that there are parents who have children with far greater illnesses than this. And I cannot imagine that life. This especially goes to my friend Stacy whose daughter had a liver transplant nine months ago. Chronic ear infections are nothing compared to her worry. But this is my daughter and this is my life. The worries are different, but they are worries nonetheless. And they impact our lives. Often. Sophia averages an ear infection a month. Sometimes more. So, when I finally took her to an urgent care office on Monday morning (after taking my parents to the airport at 7:00) I was not surprised to hear she had another one. I was, however, surprised to hear that she had hand-foot-mouth...again. Second time in two months. After I heard that and started thinking about it I came to the following conclusion...
We've been passing this horrible virus between us for two months!!! Yeah, you read that correctly.
I had a sore throat for over a month. (Spare me the lecture...I don't have time...) Jason had a sore throat for a while and trouble breathing...diagnosis: sinus infection and conjunctivitis...I have my doubts now. Bella spent nearly three weeks with her hands in her mouth (she has no teeth left to come in) and refusing to eat (very strange for either of my children). She also graced us with four weeks of waking at least two times a night. She finally straightened out and then two days later... BAM! So, I may not have a medical background, but I'm sticking with my diagnosis.
I spent the two days after Sophia was diagnosed bleaching my house and toys and washing every soft item I could throw in the washing machine; baby dolls, dress up clothes, sheets, blankets, towels, stuffed animals...you name it. There are six baskets of toys on a high shelf just waiting to be back in circulation. I'm waiting. I think I lost my fingerprints during the bleaching extravaganza! And I'm continuing to do it regularly. Next time please remind me to wear the same outfit when I do this...I got bleach on two different pairs of shorts!
The doctor said she could go back to school on Thursday. Shit...are you for real?! It's the second "full" week of school (no school on Labor Day). I knew that Jason was leaving on Wednesday for a meeting. Enter Mommy guilt...stage right. "I can't stay home for two days. I can't miss work. I NEED to go to work." Reality check...my daughter had a fever, blisters in her throat, and an ear infection...and I was worried about work? Yes. I was.
I stayed home Tuesday. Jason's flight didn't leave until 5:15 on Wednesday, so he stayed home then. We payed a babysitter to come over between when he left and I got home (faculty meeting day). We made it through.
Heeeellllllloooooo Thursday morning! I'm up early...making bottles and breakfast, fixing my hair (and it looked good, too), making coffee, and packing lunches. I wake Bella up, get her dressed and brush her hair and teeth. Cup of milk in hand, Mickey Mouse on TV, she's good to go. Long trek back upstairs to wake the little sleeping cupcake. She's warm. "Maybe, she's just snuggly." I change her diaper and she's screaming. "She's hungry." I decided to leave her in her pjs (this should have been a dead give away). She started eating a waffle and drinking some milk and I loaded them in the car.
There was a nagging in my mind. She should not be going to school. She was just warm. Not burning up. But her demeanor was just not right. I looked around her classroom and my eyes fell on one of the other kids. He's little...5 months old, maybe. And it hit me. This is not right. This is not fair. I'm being selfish. If my baby was 5 months old and another mother sent her child to school like this I would be pissed. Really. But still I hemmed and hawed. Fifteen minutes later I was still standing in the room. I looked to her teacher and said, "If I really felt it was okay to leave her, I would have left 15 minutes ago." We left. I called my school. Set up lesson plans. And my day started over...kind of.
Sophia's temperature never spiked, but she did sleep ALL DAY! She took a 3 hour nap at 8:15, then another 2 hour nap at 1:30. There's my answer. Maybe she didn't technically have to stay home, but clearly my daughter's body needed to rest.
But I cried on the way home from her school. Why is this? My ultimate responsibility in life is to my children. It is my duty, yes, duty, to make sure that they are well taken care of. Why is there a societal (and I'll admit I put this stress on myself, too) expectation that mothers are less desirable of employees because they may need to take off of work more often. Before we had children my husband would even struggle with understanding and accepting this from his own employees. I said to him today, through tears, "If I worked for you, you would think I was a bad employee." But the reality is, I don't work for him. I work for a mother and grandmother, who answered the phone with, "How is our little patient?"
I am committed to my career. I love what I do. But I am consumed with the well-being of my children. They are the reason I go to work every day. This is a hard reconciliation for me. I can effectively execute two different roles, mother and teacher. I can be an excellent working mother. I can be a phenomenal teacher. And there will be days when I have to take time off from work because one of my children is ill. And that's okay. It's more than okay. It's the right thing to do.
But I'm telling you, she's going to school tomorrow!
This is the biggest lie of my life! This has been the most insane week EVER! It's Thursday and I've been to work once. And, no, this isn't a good thing. I actually like my job, and was starting to fall into a routine...enter Sophia, stage left! (We cursed ourselves by saying she was the easy one when she was born...she took this as a challenge, apparently.)
Let me back up an entire week. Last Thursday my mom and Robbie came to visit. Friday they kept the girls home from school and they spent the day with them. Just when we thought we had Sophia figured out, switched her to Lactose free milk, she throws us another curve ball. Friday the pooping started, Saturday it continued. I toyed with calling the doctor since it was a holiday weekend (I should have trusted my maternal instinct.) Every time they've seen her in the last 6 months she's been sick in one way or another.
Sophia has ear infections ALL THE TIME. I know that there are parents who have children with far greater illnesses than this. And I cannot imagine that life. This especially goes to my friend Stacy whose daughter had a liver transplant nine months ago. Chronic ear infections are nothing compared to her worry. But this is my daughter and this is my life. The worries are different, but they are worries nonetheless. And they impact our lives. Often. Sophia averages an ear infection a month. Sometimes more. So, when I finally took her to an urgent care office on Monday morning (after taking my parents to the airport at 7:00) I was not surprised to hear she had another one. I was, however, surprised to hear that she had hand-foot-mouth...again. Second time in two months. After I heard that and started thinking about it I came to the following conclusion...
We've been passing this horrible virus between us for two months!!! Yeah, you read that correctly.
I had a sore throat for over a month. (Spare me the lecture...I don't have time...) Jason had a sore throat for a while and trouble breathing...diagnosis: sinus infection and conjunctivitis...I have my doubts now. Bella spent nearly three weeks with her hands in her mouth (she has no teeth left to come in) and refusing to eat (very strange for either of my children). She also graced us with four weeks of waking at least two times a night. She finally straightened out and then two days later... BAM! So, I may not have a medical background, but I'm sticking with my diagnosis.
I spent the two days after Sophia was diagnosed bleaching my house and toys and washing every soft item I could throw in the washing machine; baby dolls, dress up clothes, sheets, blankets, towels, stuffed animals...you name it. There are six baskets of toys on a high shelf just waiting to be back in circulation. I'm waiting. I think I lost my fingerprints during the bleaching extravaganza! And I'm continuing to do it regularly. Next time please remind me to wear the same outfit when I do this...I got bleach on two different pairs of shorts!
The doctor said she could go back to school on Thursday. Shit...are you for real?! It's the second "full" week of school (no school on Labor Day). I knew that Jason was leaving on Wednesday for a meeting. Enter Mommy guilt...stage right. "I can't stay home for two days. I can't miss work. I NEED to go to work." Reality check...my daughter had a fever, blisters in her throat, and an ear infection...and I was worried about work? Yes. I was.
I stayed home Tuesday. Jason's flight didn't leave until 5:15 on Wednesday, so he stayed home then. We payed a babysitter to come over between when he left and I got home (faculty meeting day). We made it through.
Heeeellllllloooooo Thursday morning! I'm up early...making bottles and breakfast, fixing my hair (and it looked good, too), making coffee, and packing lunches. I wake Bella up, get her dressed and brush her hair and teeth. Cup of milk in hand, Mickey Mouse on TV, she's good to go. Long trek back upstairs to wake the little sleeping cupcake. She's warm. "Maybe, she's just snuggly." I change her diaper and she's screaming. "She's hungry." I decided to leave her in her pjs (this should have been a dead give away). She started eating a waffle and drinking some milk and I loaded them in the car.
There was a nagging in my mind. She should not be going to school. She was just warm. Not burning up. But her demeanor was just not right. I looked around her classroom and my eyes fell on one of the other kids. He's little...5 months old, maybe. And it hit me. This is not right. This is not fair. I'm being selfish. If my baby was 5 months old and another mother sent her child to school like this I would be pissed. Really. But still I hemmed and hawed. Fifteen minutes later I was still standing in the room. I looked to her teacher and said, "If I really felt it was okay to leave her, I would have left 15 minutes ago." We left. I called my school. Set up lesson plans. And my day started over...kind of.
Sophia's temperature never spiked, but she did sleep ALL DAY! She took a 3 hour nap at 8:15, then another 2 hour nap at 1:30. There's my answer. Maybe she didn't technically have to stay home, but clearly my daughter's body needed to rest.
But I cried on the way home from her school. Why is this? My ultimate responsibility in life is to my children. It is my duty, yes, duty, to make sure that they are well taken care of. Why is there a societal (and I'll admit I put this stress on myself, too) expectation that mothers are less desirable of employees because they may need to take off of work more often. Before we had children my husband would even struggle with understanding and accepting this from his own employees. I said to him today, through tears, "If I worked for you, you would think I was a bad employee." But the reality is, I don't work for him. I work for a mother and grandmother, who answered the phone with, "How is our little patient?"
I am committed to my career. I love what I do. But I am consumed with the well-being of my children. They are the reason I go to work every day. This is a hard reconciliation for me. I can effectively execute two different roles, mother and teacher. I can be an excellent working mother. I can be a phenomenal teacher. And there will be days when I have to take time off from work because one of my children is ill. And that's okay. It's more than okay. It's the right thing to do.
But I'm telling you, she's going to school tomorrow!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
School Days...School Days...
Well, it's that time of year again. The first week of school. It's crazy. Really it is. I started the week out feeling extremely overwhelemed and out of my element. I'm finding that sixth grade is a lot more challenging than I imagined. Quite honestly, it's been a huge learning experience for me, even in one week. I'm learning that I have to research and learn HOW to teach things I took for granted in the past...systems for turning work in, heading papers, peer editing, how to have a productive conversation. These are all things that I've managed to escape in the past. In the past we practiced and perfected these things, now I have to TEACH them! Who knew?! The reality is, it's a bit stressful, but actually really exciting. I love that I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and actually learning things I didn't know. It makes me feel productive. At the end of the day on Thursday, my class was caught off guard by the last bell. The students hurried to print their writing and Wordles, ran upstairs and then to their lockers. Ten minutes later I finally made it up to my room only to find that every single student had turned their work into the proper file folder...SUCCESS! It made the previous days of beating my head against the walls, readjusting expectations, and reevaluating the time requirements for what I thought would be the EASIEST of assignments well worth it!
Like most teachers I am constantly excited about room decor and school supplies. This year is a little unique, my room was absolutely bare and I didn't even have a hole puncher! I did have a school supply budget, which I've used only a fraction of, but I like to shop the aisles of Target after back to school for some great deals. My most recent find? Milk crates for $1!!! I'm going to turn those into storage container/stools...stay tuned for that picture. But even though I've found great joy in my meeting my students, I've been absolutely delighted at what my room looks like. Here goes nothing!
This is my student work center. My assignment calendars, absent work folders, turn in folders (which are now labeled with the class periods and actually hanging on the wall), student writing portfolios, bathroom passes, and question clothespins. I use the clothespins to keep kids on task when I'm circulating the room: each student has a clothespin with their name on it. When they have a question, instead of following me around the room, wasting time waiting for me to get to them, or bothering their classmates, they bring me the clothespin, and return to their seats to continue working until I get to them. I clip it to my clipboard and circulate answering questions in the order in which I received their clothespins. I've used it a few times so far with GREAT success!
These are the rules we established for having a productive discussion in class. I was VERY impressed with their ability to create ground rules that will help everyone feel included, respected, and valued. I'm going to take these rules and post them in my room.
I could NEVER have a spot labeled "Early Finisher Activities" in high school! lol But they don't know any better! These are all of my activities for students who finish their work early. All are academically based to keep their brains working. They always have the option to read, but this gives them some choice if they'd like a break from their book. Some activities include writing thank you notes, creating Wordles for their current main character, mad libs, cross word puzzles, and Brain Quest cards.
Like most teachers I am constantly excited about room decor and school supplies. This year is a little unique, my room was absolutely bare and I didn't even have a hole puncher! I did have a school supply budget, which I've used only a fraction of, but I like to shop the aisles of Target after back to school for some great deals. My most recent find? Milk crates for $1!!! I'm going to turn those into storage container/stools...stay tuned for that picture. But even though I've found great joy in my meeting my students, I've been absolutely delighted at what my room looks like. Here goes nothing!
This is my student work center. My assignment calendars, absent work folders, turn in folders (which are now labeled with the class periods and actually hanging on the wall), student writing portfolios, bathroom passes, and question clothespins. I use the clothespins to keep kids on task when I'm circulating the room: each student has a clothespin with their name on it. When they have a question, instead of following me around the room, wasting time waiting for me to get to them, or bothering their classmates, they bring me the clothespin, and return to their seats to continue working until I get to them. I clip it to my clipboard and circulate answering questions in the order in which I received their clothespins. I've used it a few times so far with GREAT success!
These are the rules we established for having a productive discussion in class. I was VERY impressed with their ability to create ground rules that will help everyone feel included, respected, and valued. I'm going to take these rules and post them in my room.
This board is on the side wall, immediately facing students when they walk in the door. The first thing they do is write down their homework, don't ask questions about it, just write it down. This gives me a way to link my assignments/agenda to Mastery Outcomes and standards. I neglected to write up my This Week in History last week, it was a little chaotic. But I've found that kids love it. It's a constant source of discussion. I used my Cricut machine and some vinyl paper to cut out the letters and stick them to the white board. I'll be adding vocabulary to the bottom right-hand corner this week.
I could NEVER have a spot labeled "Early Finisher Activities" in high school! lol But they don't know any better! These are all of my activities for students who finish their work early. All are academically based to keep their brains working. They always have the option to read, but this gives them some choice if they'd like a break from their book. Some activities include writing thank you notes, creating Wordles for their current main character, mad libs, cross word puzzles, and Brain Quest cards.
Favorite bulletin board EVER! I had students use paint swatches to write their first writing sample of the year. The writing will go in their portfolio. At the end of the year each student will receive their paint swatch back and they will write another story (hopefully much better than the first, if I've done my job well) using the same colors.
Don't mind the chaotic paper collection on the bulletin board. It needs a title: "Reader's Bill of Rights". The bulletin board above "How else can I say" will be part of a group activity. Students will develop synonyms for the words written across the top (there are 18 total spanning the front of the room) that can be used to "say what you really mean". Instead of saying "She is nice." Student can choose to say "She is kind, thoughtful, caring, trustworthy..." Instead of saying "I looked around the corner" they can say "I (peeked, spied, glared) around the corner". You get the idea.
The long and the short of it is that I'm feeling really good about how my room looks. Now it's time to hit the ground running! Tuesday is just around the corner.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
3x5 Folded Card
Taped Thanks Girl Thank You Card
Say "Thank You," with Shutterfly's personalized photo cards.
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