Everyone should have a mom like mine...

There are many times that I ask myself, "How did my mom do it?"  I mean, really?  How on Earth did she manage to raise a child by herself, and at sixteen?

It is no surprise that my mom is young.  We are often confused for sisters.  She loves it.  I used to hate it.  Now I just chuckle at her reaction.  It never gets old.  Today I told her she'd never get the Carter's Grandparent's discount.  They'd never believe her.  Her response?  "I'll show them my phone case!"  I laughed...they'd just suspect they were her children.  Honestly.  No matter.  She loves the attention.  And has a way of making everyone around her at ease, comfortable, and laughing...at extreme volumes!

I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with my mom.  My husband flew her in to relieve me of the parental responsibilities that have been mounting due to his unrelenting travel schedule.  (Although there is now a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!)  I was grateful before she arrived, but that gratitude pales in comparison to what I feel now, as she's somewhere flying over Tennessee (I'm guessing).  And while I've enjoyed the respite of responsibilities, I enjoyed her company even more.  A long time ago I decided not to be sad when she left, but appreciative of the opportunities to visit with her.  She sometimes guilts me into crying: "You don't even love me...see, you're not even crying!"  Which is so far from the truth it's comical.  But I cannot get wrapped up in the sadness of not having my mom here. It's not worth it.  

My mom has an uncanny ability of swooping in and cleaning my house.  In the time it takes me to fold a load of laundry, she's folded three, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, eliminated the clutter from the countertops, bleached the countertops, and completed a craft project with my children.  My husband came home the other night, looked at her, and asked, "How did you do it?"  It was comical, but honest. We cannot seem to find the time or energy to make something like that happen.  

But what she does with the house pales in comparison to what she does with my children.  She has a bond with my children that bridges time and geography.  She managed to get my uptight daughter to tie on a belly dancing skirt and "shake it"!  She brought an entire suitcase full of craft supplies.  She bought dinosaurs to make sure that Sophia knew that she was thinking of her.  She just watched the squirrels out the back window.  She took them on a nature scavenger hunt.  She just had fun.

I often ask myself the very same question that Jason asked in awe.  "How does she do it?"  And I think I finally figured it out.  She never asks.  She just does it.  While the control freak in me would initially say this is the worst idea ever, the exhausted mother in me relishes in this.  She doesn't ask what she can do to help, she just makes it happen.  There are papers everywhere on the counter?  She finds a basket to move them into.  There is an mostly empty drawer in the kitchen and a wooden spoon/spatula holder taking up valuable counter space?  She moves them, and rearranges things.  Dishes in the dishwasher?  She puts them away, without asking where they go.  Poop in a diaper?  She changes it!  (bonus points here!!!)  Laundry and cups might not make it to their exact location, but it doesn't matter.  The burden is removed.  I may spend days (or sometimes weeks) trying to get used to her new layout in the kitchen, but I don't care.  Can't find that coupon that I had for Gymboree?  She knows where it is...just make a phone call.  It's like a reminder of her visit every time I cannot find a travel mug lid.  And I love it.  Because I truly appreciate every small thing she does while she's here.  

If I can be half the mom to my daughters that my mom has been to me, I will have been successful.  I want to raise independent and opinionated daughters (even though I know it will be hard and I'll go gray and I will doubt this decision for several years between the ages of 12 and 22) and I want them to know how much I love them and treasure their head-strong personalities.  I want my daughters to know that when times get too challenging they can pick up the phone, cry for a few minutes then hang up laughing.  I want to impact the lives of my own children more than anyone else's.  I want to love them so fiercely that I disagree with them (respectfully) and point it out. I want to pack an entire suitcase full of my daughters' favorite foods to help them feel connected with "home" every time they open the pantry or refrigerator for weeks to come.   I want to make a scene at the mall when they are 31 because we are so thrilled to just be in each other's company.  I want to make my daughters' lives easier and remind them constantly that they are surrounded by unconditional love and support.  If I can do half of these things half as well as my mom does I will have been successful.  

I'm still learning from her every day; patience, acceptance, kindness, selflessness, and commitment.  She is the woman that I aspire to be.

I'm grateful for my visit with her, but the time between the girls' bedtime and my bedtime just isn't the same without my mom here!

Heading to the park!

Not exactly sure what to say about this...but a lot of laughter resulted!

:0)

A "Grammie and Me" craft

Star gazing

No better after school snack than ice cream with Grammie!

Seriously...?!

9/11 Reflection

As I was driving in to work today I was struck with a realization:

My students were not even born when the world changed.

They have no recollection of the fear and uncertainty that resulted.

Or the hope that empowered our nation.

They do no know what it's like to be glued to the television, hungry for any answer, shred of knowledge, or piece of information that might shed some light on an unimaginable tragedy.

They don't know what it's like to wait for a loved one at the gate in the airport.

They don't know a world without the terms jihad, al Qaeda, or Osama bin Laden.

And I was saddened.  They were born into a world that I never imagined.  But this devastation is their reality.  And then I asked myself, are they better off because of their ignorance?

I look around at my students, a canvas of different hues of brown; some darker than others, some lighter.  And it occurred to me that they do not see their differences.  The racial profiling that existed immediately after 9/11 gave way to a deeper need; our need as humans to connect and understand each other.  We strove to educate ourselves about the differences between extremist beliefs and traditional Muslim beliefs.  We took the time to learn differences between Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.  We turned on the news and tuned into the world.  We vowed to teach our children love, acceptance, and understanding and to surround them with those who are different than our own families.  And instead of pointing out our differences in their most basic form, we taught our children how to ask questions that matter, learning from each other.

And the results stare me in the face each day.  There are still divides to cross; gender, socio-economic, educational, the list goes on, but the divide based on race is not as evident in my classroom of 11 year olds.  It is exceptionally smaller than the divide that stared me in the face six years ago.  The strides toward equality are in the hands of this younger generation.  We've set the tone.  We've shown them what it can look like.  We've started the ball rolling, and we've already started passing ownership to these young people with so much promise ahead of them.  We can learn a lot from the faces that look to us for guidance.

And I am filled with hope that some good can continue to come from something so tragic.

Back to school...back to school...to prove to dad that I'm not a fool...

Nothing like the looming first day of school to kick start my blogging!  Riiiiiiiight.  Maybe I have the need to feel that I've been accomplishing SOMETHING!  I feel that this summer has been highly unproductive.  There are worse things, I suppose.  But I still wish I had done more.

All things considered, I've been working on classroom management this summer.  And the following pictures are some of my intended implementations for this school year.  Some of these ideas are Pinterest hybrids, some are courtesy of a fabulous colleague of mine.  I'm still getting used to those pesky 6th graders.  I'm finding that they are, in reality, much younger than I imagined.  This isn't a bad thing...in ways it's kind of refreshing that they are still "babies" in some ways and not affected by the societal push to grow up too quickly.  But they are a far cry from my high school students, and I'm still learning how to navigate inside my own classroom.  But I'm doing it.  And I'm learning a lot about myself as a person and a teacher.  It's refreshing.

So, here you have it.  I glimpse into my classroom for the upcoming year!  I'm very excited.  (Keep in mind this decorating extravaganza took place with my children hanging out with me, except for a wonderful respite given by the above-mentioned teacher's daughters, who took my girls to the playground for a while!)


One of the things that drives me crazy is the unnecessary movement around the room!  I bought cheap canvas bags at Joann's ($1 each, but on summer clearance for 70% off), cut them in half around the ends, and sewed them up in half.  This made two bags out of one.  So for 15 cents each I created a method to offer pencils, pens, erasers, and tissues (the tissues drive me crazy!) to my students!  I was so incredibly excited at this.  They are also tied around the partnership desks, which will keep them from moving around too much!

I sometimes find that students have a difficult time monitoring their volume levels...shocking, I know.  So I created a visual cue to assist with this.  This is a less frills version of one I found on Pinterest.  (I especially like the "ninja mode"!  :0)  The dry erase board to the right was lying around my house, so I used the my Cricuit to cut out the letters I needed, and PRESTO! a homework/materials board.  I'm also focusing on using numbers, so you'll see a few reminders of putting their number on their paper, too!

It's hard to see under the homework board, but there are popsicle sticks there with all of the student numbers on them.  And there's an empty box next to it that will be labeled "I have a question".  I find that the first five minutes of class are crucial, but students often have a multitude of questions.  This is going to be their way to alert me to their question, but still get started.  No more chasing me around the classroom, standing at my desk, or wasting all of the "bellringer" time!  I can take attendance quietly and move around the room to each student with a question!

Probably my biggest time saver!  I HATE passing back papers.  Okay, I don't hate the act itself, but I never remember to do it.  Then I end up with a stack 6 inches tall and it takes an entire period to pass back!  With this (and the numbers) I can pass back student work to the file boxes (thanks for the cereal boxes, friends!) before class even starts.  They can pick them up at their convenience!

Watching "Tangled"!  They were fabulous!

Another work in progress!  Missing homework documentation!  Long story...students keep track of it themselves and I e-mail home on Fridays.  Missing homework = a lunch detention.  Failing to fill out the log when you, in fact, don't have your homework also earns you a lunch detention!  Not doing your homework is not an option.  Bottom line.

I used fabric the bulletin board at the top of the chalk board this year.  It seems to be a much better option than chart paper!  I paired student facing each other because I feel that it eliminates the need to touch each other (which they can't seem to stop doing) but still provides students with the important opportunity to discuss literature.  It also gives each student their own personal space.  Desks are numbered, too...students will sit in alphabetical order.

I will list the students here for the first few weeks of school. This will show them where to sit on the first day, but will also help me remember their numbers AND their names.  A huge thank you to the Teachers Pay Teachers free download for these numbers!  Click here!

I'm optimistic about the upcoming year.  I'm looking forward to meeting my new students and helping them mature into learners.  But I think I'm most excited about getting another year under my belt as a middle school teacher.  I'm looking at the things that didn't work so well last year as a chance to improve.  I'm not defeated.  I'm learning.  And I'm absolutely okay with that!

Finding my friends

Two days ago we came back from vacation in Florida.  The girls and I were there for ten days.  Jason joined us for the last seven days.  It was fun.  It was exciting.  It was anything but relaxing!

It was a vacation that I needed...even though I didn't realize it.

Since we've moved I've found myself on many occasions feeling down about my "social life".  It's not that I haven't made friends here, because I have.  I've met many wonderful people who have become our family.  They are kind and thoughtful and love our children.  They have listened to me vent and made me laugh.

But there's an element that's missing that cannot be fabricated...I often miss my friends that knew me before I had children.  They have watched me mature into a wife and mother.  But they also know the person I am without the "make up" of responsibility that comes with motherhood.

Since we've moved here my best friend has gotten married.  I missed her wedding because I was VERY pregnant.  She's also had a son.  Our children are not getting to "grow up together".

My sister had a baby.  Our children know each other in pictures and skype chats (that don't happen often enough!)

My other sister moved into a dorm room and started college.

My mom and dad have embraced life as "empty nesters"!

Many of my friends from my old school have retired or left.  And those who are still there talk about people I don't know.  I miss their laughter and genuine compassion.  I miss the connection.

But during this trip I was hit with the realization that these people can still be in my life.  There's no need to feel "woe is me".  Just because we are not right down the street from each other is no reason to feel that we are not or cannot be a part of each other's lives.

In ten days I was able to spend time with some of the most wonderful people I've ever met.  I spent time with one of my oldest childhood friends; laughed with her and her husband, watched our children play together, swimming and having dinner.  I snuggled my best friend's baby; watched him flirt with my daughters and laughed and joked and caught up.  I had a "girls' night" with one of my favorite pseudo-girls and many other women who have loved me unconditionally throughout the years.  I celebrated July birthdays with the one person, outside of my family, with whom I share the most childhood memories.  I had a coffee date with a friend that needed me as much as I needed her; laughing, crying, gossiping, and just being there together.  Another friend made the 45 minute trek through a storm to spend a few short hours catching up.  I spent numerous hours watching my daughters play with their cousins, on both sides.

With all of these incredible people, it seemed that no time had passed at all.  This is the tell-tale sign of true friendship.  We pick up right where we left off, whether it had been two weeks, two months, or two years.  I cherish this connection.  And shame on me for letting it escape.  Although friendship is a two way street, I have spent too much time wallowing in the fact that these friends are "gone".  They aren't gone.  They are a phone call, a text, or a facebook message away.  All I have to do it make a move.  It doesn't have to be the "right" time and I don't have to have an endless amount of time to talk to try to make a connection.  And it's okay if I have to cut the call short because one of my children is hanging from my leg, screaming, or coloring on the floor!  I simply have to let my friends know that I'm thinking about them, which happens quite often.

The next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to count my blessings and pick up the phone.  The same remarkable friends I had in Florida, I still have in Illinois.  Note to self...

The world is speeding by...

Written tonight...after bedtime.

Sometimes I can tell who's awake in the morning by the sound of their feet.
Running...always running, almost flitting, is Bella.
Lumbering...that's Sophia.

I often wonder if the heavy steps are due to her age or if she will be blessed with my linebacker's gait.
I do not walk elegantly in heels-
I walk with a purpose, on a mission-
With the commanding presence of a 300 pound NFL player...
Just ask my mom!  :0)

If there's breathing in my ear during the night
It is not my husband whispering sweet nothings.
It is Bella.

For no reason.

She just wanted to make sure I was still there.

If Sophia is awake during the night,
She's sick.
Champion sleeper, I predict she will be the one who needs to be woken on the weekends as a teenager.

But when she does wake in the morning, it is with renewed energy and excitement.
I hear her down the hall, around the corner, opening our door...

"Daddy!"
"Mommy!" (Always in that order.)
Excitement...not doubt...
Like she knew we'd be here all along.

These mornings come too early, far too early
But there is nothing like a family snuggle on the weekends.

I look around and wonder, "how many more mornings will I be blessed by this running, lumbering, squealing, hugging alarm clock?

I know these days are numbered,
As surely as I know the sun will rise tomorrow.

Teachable Moments...

Today, I have come to the following realizations...

1. McDonalds for dinner on Wednesday nights (meeting day) may be even better than my CrockPot dinners (I can't believe I just wrote that down...)
2. I thoroughly enjoy, in a manner I cannot fully explain, thiefing the french fries from my daughters' Happy Meals and eating them on the sly.
3. We are in serious trouble; my children ate six chicken nuggets each tonight (yes, even Sophia (not even 18 months)), apples, and two servings of macaroni and cheese.
4. It is ALWAYS possible to take the high road/do the right thing/make a smart choice.  In today's technological age it may seem impossible, but walk away for five minutes or five hours.  The e-mail will still be there but your response will be well thought out, more articulate, and less offense (even if the person deserves every ounce of abrasive verbal diarrhea you can hurl their way).
5. I still have not sent out Christmas thank you cards...
6. Going to bed before 9:00 does not make you a bad person, but forcing yourself to stay awake actually may.
7. It's not always easy to stick to your guns and hold your ground, but it is ALWAYS rewarding.
8. I'm fortunate to have friends to text at 7 am like it's 2:00 in the afternoon.  
9. Life is fragile.
10. One encouraging text from my husband can change my entire mood for the duration of the day.
11. Coming home to a clean house is worth every penny.
12. I LOVE Pandora.
13. TLC is beginning to disappoint me on a weekly basis.
14. I am so over Michelle Obama's bangs, dress, and designer.  CNN is supposed to report NEWS!
15. My husband is convinced that my daughters and I have already aligned our "cycles"!  lmao  After the above mentioned eating spree and Sophia waking up at 4 in the morning asking for "milk", "snack", "eat" we determined it was a growth spurt...until he remembered we went through the same thing four weeks ago...I'm afraid there may be some truth to this.

That is all...

Four years and counting!

Four years ago tonight I was snuggled on the couch of my best friend/Maid of Honor.  We were watching 27 Dresses and laughing so hard it hurt.  I'm sure we were eating junk food and I'm almost positive at least one of us fell asleep.  And then, well after any respectable store was open, I realized I had forgotten to purchase a crucial element for my wedding day...I didn't have a garter!  How on earth did I forget to purchase a garter?!  We ran through every possible solution...Victoria's Secret on the way to Ocala in the morning, WalMart, Target...all of which seemed a little too risky...do they even carry those in the store?!  Maybe we could find a bridal store?  And then Regina had a ridiculously perfect idea...we had to go to porn store!  It was after midnight the night before my wedding and we headed to a porn store.  The first one was a little shady...we never got out of the car!  lol  (Aren't all porn stores a little shady?!)  So we headed across town to another one.  When we walked in the door we were told we had to lock our belongings in a locker...WHAT?!  Okay, we were desperate!  It took a little searching, but we found one...with a graphic, plastic ornament on it!  Use your imagination!  That came off in the car on the way home and came back to haunt Regina later!  lol  I can only imagine Angel's face!  :0)  We stopped for one last junk food push before the morning.  I vaguely remember telling Regina I was going to blame her if my dress didn't fit!  That Whaddaburger hit the spot; I slept like a rock until morning.  It was the day I had waited for my entire life.

I have never been happier, chaos and all.  And there is no other person I'd rather have by my side to hold my hand, make me laugh, wipe my tears, and make me a better person.  That day was the start of a new life; our life.  The family that was built around our love has surpassed any expectation I could have ever dreamed.  In this crazy world...

"All you need is love...love is all you need."

Photographs by Rob Witzel Photography

 "I didn’t always know it was your touch that I craved or your smile that brightened the day or your kiss that felt like home.  But when I found you I recognized these things from years worth of dreaming.  You finally crossed my path.  And despite my fears and initial apprehensions you waited, with your arms wide open for me to find solace and comfort in.  It was your embrace I had been seeking all along... 

You are all things important, reaching to all corners of my world.  You’ve made me happier and more content than I ever thought imaginable.  And although I may not always make it easy, I vow to spend every day of my life trying to do the same for you.  

Doubt thou the stars are fire.  Doubt that the sun doth move.  Doubt truth to be a liar.  But never doubt I love."

********

"I enter this union with you filled with more excitement and hope than I knew I could feel.

Our path will not always be easily navigated.  It will undoubtably present hardship and challenge, as every road does.  Through these I promise to you my unyielding pursuit of our family’s health and happiness.

I promise to be your best friend, and put your needs ahead of mine

I promise to be passionate, about our love and our life

I promise to be loyal, and a father deserving of the title

I promise to be strong, and a rock on which you can lean when times are tough

I promise to be spontaneous, and celebrate us, even when moments must be stolen, and dances danced in the kitchen while dinner is cooking on the stove

And I promise to do my best to inspire you the way you inspire me

From this moment on I know

exactly where my life will go

Seems all I really was doing

Was waiting for you...."