Wild Child Sophia!

I've been mentally plotting out my "back to school" post with pictures, funny and inspirational stories, and creative ideas.  But the reality is, I'm barely keeping my head above water.  Jason has been traveling a ridiculous amount, which doesn't lessen the chaos.  Bella has decided that every meal time will be a struggle and she's still waking at least twice a night.  I even took her to the doctor's office to get her ears checked...no go.  Honestly, I think she's waking to go to the bathroom, but I just cannot even THINK about tackling that right now.  Sophia has become independent (walking EVERYWHERE), taking toys, and squealing...OMG the squealing.  Screeching is a better description.  It's worse than fingernails on a chalk board (and I know this because my classroom actually has a chalkboard!).

But here's a (non-back-to-school-related) story for the ages...

Bath time presents many challenges in this house.  We bathe both girls simultaneously, but the chaos began before I even put the girls in the tub.

I was gathering up pjs, pull-ups, and diapers, placing them all in the same place, to make the dressing phase a bit more seamless.  I walk into the bathroom, where the water is running to find Bella sitting in the tub, Sophia's bottle in the toilet, and her splashing around trying to get it.  Seriously?!  After a lecture to both girls we carry on.

They are usually really good about saving the splashing for the end, when the water is draining.  This gives me a chance to back up and preserve my clothes.  Tonight did not present that opportunity.  I was soaked.  Sophia was walking all over the bathtub, and every time I tried to have her sit back down she'd let out the shriek that wakes the dead.  Eventually I gave in and just let her stand.  She has to learn sometime, right?

Bella asked to stay in the water until it was fully drained, so I said yes, scooped Sophia out and began changing her (within eyeshot of the tub).  Bella decided she was too cold, climbed out of the tub, spilling an entire basket of hair ties all over the floor!  But she was drying off and happy.  I'll clean up the ponies anytime for that relief.  Sophia was dressed, so I moved on to assisting Bella, which usually just means watching because she wants to do it all by herself.  But tonight she had a silly request: "Can you change me on the changing table?"  LOL  After tonight, I needed the laugh, so I obliged.  She thought it was a riot and I loved watching the goofy look on her face!

Once she was dressed we went into the hallway to fix her hair.  This entire time Sophia was just waltzing around upstairs, enjoying her newfound freedom.  Until she shut herself in the bathroom.  Not a big deal, right.  Oh no...you are so wrong!

She shut the bathroom door then opened the drawer, which blocks the door from opening.  Yeah, that's right.  She literally barricaded herself in the bathroom.  The bathroom where she had just opened the toilet lid and played in the water...my mind played out a million devastating scenes.  Until I realized I should just slide the drawer closed (there's a very small gap).  My hand doesn't fit.  So I enlist Bella's help.  No go. This entire time that blood curdling scream just keeps coming in fits and starts!  Not crying, mind you, just screaming.  She's doing it on purpose, I'm convinced.  "Ha ha, Mom...Come and get me!"  So now all I can picture is her, head first in the toilet with me stranded on the other side of the door.  This sends me into a panic.  Even if I could, shouldering the door down isn't even a possibility due to the location of the drawer.  My heart is beating out of my chest and I'm paralyzed.  The kids playing outside snap me out of it.  Jill!  She'll know what to do.

I barrel down the stairs with Bella on my heels, call for Jill and try to explain the situation.  Her first question, "Is everything okay" gets a hurried, "not really".  She asks if I need a little key to unlock the door.  Clearly I wasn't describing the situation adequately in my state of panic, so I slow down a bit.  She starts heading toward the door when Lukas, our neighbor, hearing the panic in my voice, also heads to the door.  Now, don't get me wrong, I like him.  Our kids are friends.  I'm friends with his wife.  But he's never been in my house.  I haven't vacuumed, there are shoes everywhere, dishes in the sink (all the things you do to prepare for the first time someone comes to your house).  But at this moment, I do not care!  My only thought, running on a continuous loop, is "how the FUCK am I supposed to get her out of there"?!  This thought wins out.  Hell, the entire block could have come in at that moment and I wouldn't have cared.

I don't know what it is about men, but there is a MacGyver instinct in them that I can only admire from afar.  I don't get it.  My mind doesn't think like this.  Now, I don't feel inadequate or stupid, just a bit like I'm dealing with a Martian....which, if you ask John Gray, I was.  Lukas asks for a wire hanger, twists it into a long handle and uses it to push the back panel of the drawer.  Keep in mind he's doing this in a space that Bella's hand couldn't even fit through!  He slides the drawer all the way closed, opens the door and I see my little peanut standing there in the middle of the bathroom...

Holding a damn bottle of Tylenol!

Yeah, just keeping my head above water pretty much sums it up!

And so it begins...

Well, tomorrow is the last day of summer "vacation", if you can call two toddlers a vacation.  Sometimes it is definitely easier to be at work.  This year I'm embarking on several firsts:

It will be my first full year teaching while being a mother, let alone a mother of two.

It will be my first full year teaching middle school.

It will be my first full year teaching in the state of Illinois (very different than Florida)!

It will be my first full year juggling and maintaining a home with a spouse who travels.

This is something I've grown accustomed to, but when you live in a household where the parents share the parenting "duties", it really is taxing when he's not here.  I have to cook, clean, bathe, read, wake in the night, etc., etc., etc..  I know that there are plenty of single parents who do this every single day (and I don't know how they do it, honestly), but when this isn't part of your day to day routine, it's sometimes a challenge to shift gears.

It is no secret that I am incredibly unorganized!  I have the best of intentions, and the best organizational tools, really, but I can't keep track of my electric bill half of the time.  This year I am choosing to be more organized.  I am choosing to live a healthier life, for my children and husband, as well as for myself.  I am choosing to spend the best quality of time with my family as possible.  It isn't about doing everything these days, it's about doing the things that matter most.  And what matters most to me is my family.  I'm making lists, and sticking to them.  It's remarkable how much I can get done if I stick to a list.  Today alone I (in no particular order)

• tried to get a pedicure (closed on Mondays)
• washed, cut, and prepped fruits and vegetables for the next few weeks (I have found that if I take the time to do this dinner prep is so much easier and I don't throw away a ton of food)
• took Sophia to a doctor's appointment (where she screamed the entire appointment, so loudly, that the doctor only put his hand around the door to give me the note for her school, asking them to allow diet modifications)
• made two batches of granola
• 
• exchanged/returned clothes at two different stores

• took my children with me to Home Depot and Carter's (if this was the only thing I did today, that in itself would have been an accomplishment)
• went to another store to buy Lactose free milk for Sophia (I was on the hunt for the cheapest, and I found it: WalMart $2.83/half gallon)
• 
• cleaned out both of the girls' humidifiers (super easy method on Pinterest)
• responded to two friends about "baby questions" (Mothers, don't ever give unsolicited advice...don't ever give advice, period.  But you can always answer a friend's question with "This is what worked for me...") (Note to self: always try to heed your own advice...)
• bought myself two new bras (this is a much overdue accomplishment, you have NO IDEA!)
• looked up materials for my Mastery Outcome Assessments
• made trail mix
• planned out dinners for the week
• looked up a recipe for making my own Lactose Free yogurt in the crock pot (this was prompted by a remarkably inspiring mother I know)   Crock Pot Yogurt HERE
• had both girls in bed, one asleep, by 8:00

Although I find that I am chronically tired, I find that at the end of the day, I sit down with dinner, a glass of wine or a beer, and say, "I did it."  It's hard.  Yeah, it's still hard.  And some days I don't feel like I'm measuring up or doing enough.  But on a day like today (on most days, really), when the only thing I didn't cross of my list was "mail ______ to ________", it's a good day.  I don't beat myself up over the one (or three or ten) things that didn't get done.  Tomorrow is another day.  It's my last day to get myself organized and ready for the new year.  But if it doesn't all get finished tomorrow, that'll be okay, too.  My house is still standing.  My children are laughing.  And I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and who I happen to absolutely adore.  Life is good.  Crazy, hectic, and blissfully good.

So tomorrow's list starts...

• put away all my clothes
• lay out my clothes for the rest of the week
• set up the girls' clothes for next season/size
• prep dinner for Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday
• get a pedicure!!!!

Chaotic Bliss

Some days I think I get lost in the chaos.  And by lost, what I really mean is, sucked in.  It's very easy in my day to day life to get consumed by the struggles, the difficult things, the challenges.  Today I'm refusing to focus on those things (there are ALWAYS challenges; tantrums, sleep deprivation, illness, you name it).  Today, my kids made me proud, they made me smile, and they made my day a bit brighter.

Bella said, "Mommy, thank you for buying me those crayons."  Unprompted....99 cents worth of toddler joy.

We colored a picture together for Jason.  And Sophia actually colored on the paper!

I handed Bella some popcorn tonight as a little treat and she said, "Thank you for popping popcorn, Mommy!"  Her unpromped manners amaze me.  And make me so proud of her.

Blowing pretend bubbles (with construction paper) with Bella and watching her "catch" them with her mouth!  

Sophia's completely fearless approach to walking.

Yes, she was moving the chair around the house to stand on it in different locations!!!

Bella's fashion sense!  :0)

 Sophia did the Hot Dog Dance!

Bella's imagination.

Sophia still doesn't say "Momma" but she says "Minnie" and "Maggie"...I see where I rank!  

Bella and Sophia played catch with a stuffed animal...I listened as Bella explained what to do and kind of chuckled.  But then I was beside myself when Sophia actually did it...several times!

We played with some great friends today at a fun new place...my kids like trains!!!

Bella asked me how to spell the girl's name on the "On Demand" channel...I wish I knew her name so that I could tell her.  She didn't care.  She just asked me how to spell 10 other things instead.

Bella wrote "D-A-D" in chalk.

Maggie kissed Sophia on the face (I didn't even cringe) and Sophia squealed in delight!

Sophia chased Bella around the kitchen today, both laughing hysterically!

Bella was almost beside herself with joy at the sticker she received for having a good night's sleep!  It's the little things.

Both girls slept until 7:00! (I almost had the coffee made before they woke up!)

 On a day that was also marked with last minute work details, organizing, dishes, and random other chaos...a million little memories were made.

The best laid plans

It will come as no surprise to those who know me...really know me...that when I found out I was pregnant with Sophia I was, let's say, less than thrilled.  In fact, the month before (when I had found out I was NOT pregnant) I suggested that we take a break from "trying".  What's that saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"?  Well, there you have it.  God was laughing it up that day (which also happened to be the day before Bella's 1st birthday!)  I think I cried.  In fact, I'm almost positive that I did.  We were in the midst of settling in a new city (4 weeks in our new house; nice little housewarming present, huh?) and I was dealing with a bit of, let's call it, an adjustment.  I had gone from being hired as an opening faculty member for a new high school (with a principal I was VERY excited to be working with) and being entered into the Literacy Specialist pool for Pasco County, to being a stay at home mom.  This was a role I never imagined myself in (come to find out, I really like it...not enough not to go back to work, but I like it.  I'm hoping for a job share in the future.).  And then, just like that, BAM!!!!  God was having a hay day!  But there we were, with no one to lean on around the corner, no friends, winter approaching, and dreary days everywhere!  And you know what?  We did it! A year in, and we're doing just fine.  As it turned out, Sophia was the best thing that ever happened to us as a family.  She gave us roots and stability in a foreign city.  She is the reason our house has become a home.  I guess God knew what he was doing, after all!

The first year has been hard...really hard.  And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying their ass off!  Things I've done this time that I swore I'd never do:

1.  prop up a bottle
2.  take my baby out in public in pjs
3.  let my baby run/crawl/stumble around without socks or shoes!!!!!!!! (this has been a HUGE step for me!)
4.  feed my less than 1 year old chicken nuggets (they were the all natural, breast meat only kind, but still...)
5.  let my toddler "watch" my baby
6.  watch my baby eat sand...and a lot of it, very happily, I might add
7.  let my children skip a bath (Bella even asks now, skip a bath or take a bath?)
8.  let my infant watch television
9.  give my daughter another bottle after bedtime (and brushing her teeth) and putting her right back to bed, without brushing her teeth again (don't say a word...and I actually stopped mid-blog to do this tonight)

The list goes on, really....but we have survived!!!  And not only survived, we have thrived.  Tonight I looked around, past the clutter that fills Bella's bedroom floor (we are still redecorating), and I saw two very happy little girls.  Who love each other more than anything else.

I watched Bella put back her chosen stuffed animal tonight to choose another Minnie Mouse, because that's what Sophia had chosen.  I've seen Sophia chase Bella around the house.  Bella wants to wear "feet" to bed because Sophia is.  Sophia chooses the activities she watches Bella do most, #1 coloring, even though she's definitely too little to do this.  Every single time Bella asks for a snack, blanket, drink, she adds "Maybe Sophia wants a ....."  The other day when Sophia was crying, Bella said, "I think Sophia wants you to rock her in the rocking chair."  Bella's compassion for Sophia and Sophia's admiration of Bella causes my mind to spin when I think of the years to come.  Our girls, although 20 months apart, will be a year apart in school.  This means they will probably share the same circle of friends.  But I don't see that this will be negative.  They love each other, love being around each other.  They've developed a friendship that I've never known.  And to bear witness to this has been worth every ache, pain, self doubt, and insecurity that I've experienced over the last year and a half.

So to say that it's hard having two children so close in age is an understatement to the highest degree.  I am chronically tired.  I neglect my husband.  I don't talk to my friends enough.  I neglect myself.  I've stopped apologizing for the state of my house (it isn't messy, it's lived in).  I don't get out enough.  My laundry and dishes are never done.  There are piles of papers EVERYWHERE in this house.

But, to say that it's worth it doesn't even scratch the surface.

Chris Ennest DO NOT read this!

I found an outlet for all of my food creation pictures!  So, here's tonight's finest...

After I finished this, it dawned on me that I haven't made this in at least three years!  It used to be a staple in our house...where the heck did the time go?  It's one of those dishes that I make and keep in the fridge during the week.  It never goes to waste and there's always something healthy to eat for a snack or for lunch (one of the most difficult meals for me when I'm home).  Despite the fact that I set the smoke alarm off three times while I "grilled" the vegetables (I was using my new grill pan for the stove for the first time, don't judge) I would call it a success!  (Even more so because neither of my kids cried when it happened!)  Here you go...

• grill your favorite vegetables (I used squash, zucchini, mushrooms, red and green peppers); season them with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, and basil to taste; if you use the indoor grill don't heat it up too high with the oil...thus the smoke alarm incident!  
• cut the vegetables into 1 inch pieces and put into a large bowl
• cook a box of your favorite pasta (I like the Barilla Plus Pene for extra protein) drain, add to bowl
• pull a rotisserie chicken (or grill your own, but I'm all about convenience!!!!), add to bowl
• add balsamic vinegar (probably about 1/3 of a cup- but I don't measure, start small) and olive oil (maybe 2 T?), salt, pepper, garlic and basil, mix well.  

Serve chilled or at room temp.

Productive...and a little nerdy!

I am consistently amazed at how much I can get done in such a short amount of time...when my girls are at school!  When they are home, I'm pretty much useless!  Yesterday, alone, I crossed 8 things off of my to-do list before I picked them up at 3:00.  One of those things was get my clothes altered...some of the clothes had been sitting in a bag to get altered since Bella was born...yes, almost three years!!!  It's a good thing it was just a classic pencil skirt, because otherwise it would have been out of style by now!  This is just another example of me taking care of myself for a change...I deserve to have clothes that fit me properly!

I also completed a really cool project for Bella's room.  It was so easy, and really came out so cute.

When we moved into our house, almost two years ago, Bella's room was already painted pink.  Two shades of pink, actually.  It wasn't my favorite, the paint job was shoddy in many part, the color was a bit much, and to be completely honest, I longed for her old room.  My aunt helped make it a little more hers by painting grass blades along the bottom, and I used my Cricut machine to cut out daisies to stick in the grass.  It was cute.  It was functional.  But it wasn't what I wanted for her long term.  Who would have known it would take us two years to get back to it?  A pregnancy and two kids under two will do that to your priorities!  But now is the time.  Her room is getting a make over!  It's slow in coming, but it's happening.  And I LOVE it!  I was hesitant about the yellow walls, but they look awesome!  Bella loves books, always has, so we've incorporated that into her room.  Her letters are covered in one of her favorite books, Purplicious.  We actually have an autographed cover of Pinkalicious to hang on the wall, too!  I can't wait for it to come together.

Now, on to the nerdy part...I was hired at this school to teach Above Level 6th grade Literature and Composition.  It's a tall order in a district that has high expectations and parental involvement.  (I'm not used to either, to be quite frank.)  I was also asked to revamp the mastery outcomes for this grade/course level over the summer with another teacher...who shall remain nameless, as she is a facebook phantom :0)...and it's been wonderful!!!  I've spent the last two hours creating one mastery outcome assessment and writing new report card descriptors for both courses.  For my ZHS friends, every assignment in Skyward (their version of eSembler) must be assigned to a MO.  I am thoroughly excited about the upcoming year.  I am so excited to be in the classroom again, permanently.  Last year was great, but I know that this year is really going to amaze me.  I feel prepared, which is odd considering I have never taught middle school before (aside from last year's two temporary positions) and that should be terrifying!  But it's not.  It's exhilarating...I'm ready to test myself again.  It's been too long.  

Now my crafting projects turn to my classroom...I have one in mind for the afternoon, stay tuned!  (By the way, I LOVE Pinterest!!)  I have long said I am not crafty or creative.  This is true.  It doesn't appear to be true based on some of the things I've completed, but this is misleading!  I am an excellent thief!!!  If someone else comes up with a great idea, I am all over implementing it...just don't ask me to come up with the idea alone!  

It's only 11:00 and I've already crossed 3 things off of today's to-do list!  I'm on fire!  I could get used to this stay-at-home-mom-while-my-kids-are-at-school thing!  :0)  Happy Tuesday.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving!

I had high aspirations of posting my very first blog EVER on my thirtieth birthday.  It would be witty and heartfelt and thousands of people would read it.  Then I snapped back to reality and realized I'd be in the midst of a chaotic vacation, on a relaxing overnight getaway with my husband, and, really, only a handful of people will ever come across this.  My life is nothing extraordinary; I live a mundane, albeit very happy, existence, and I am only marginally funny...okay I like sarcasm and snarkiness, but those are not to be confused with wit!  But I'm okay with that.  More than okay with that.

I am the youngest of most of my friends, and everyone keeps asking me how I feel now that I'm thirty.  The reality is, I feel great.  I feel better than I've ever felt.  Honestly.  For the first time, in quite possibly my entire life, I look in the mirror and smile at what I see. I feel better, physically, than I ever have.  I'm confident and self assured.  I'm happier than I ever could have imagined, and for the first time in a long time, things feel "normal".  But the road to thirty was paved with tough decisions and valuable life long lessons that I will do my best to pass along to my children, in hopes of sparing them some of the pain I experienced.  But in the end, that pain led me to where I am now.  I can honestly say I do not have any regrets in my life...well maybe one, but that is a blog for another time.

Here goes nothing...30 things I've learned in 30 years...

1.  No one wants to be alone...that is why social media has taken off the way it has.  That's why I'm typing this right now.  I want to believe that my life matters, that I am important beyond my immediate existence, and that I am able to enrich the lives of those I love most.  Yes, egocentric, a bit narcissistic, but aren't we all just a little?

2.  You have never loved anyone or anything until you hold your child for the first time.

3.  Despite your deepest fears, you feel that overwhelming love all over again the first time you hold your second child...really.

4.  There is no sound greater than that of a laughing child...except maybe their deep sleep breathing.

5.  It's okay to choose the same nail polish color EVERY time you get a pedicure.

6.  Your family is your family no matter where you live.

7.  You will lose touch with the people you called your dearest friends; this doesn't make either of you a "bad" friend or negate the friendship, laughs, and genuine good times you had.  It just happens.  So when you happen to cross paths, whether it's been a month, a year, or a decade, don't let time stand in your way...pick up where you left off!  You'll both walk away feeling wonderful.

8.  At some point we all put ourselves last, but Stacy and Clinton are right...invest in your wardrobe! You'll feel a million percent better about yourself!

9.  It is possible to make new friends, no matter how old or out of practice you are!

10.  Sometimes putting your kids first requires putting yourself in a personally uncomfortable situation, but I have yet to regret this decision.  Go to a library story time or a Mom's Group meeting...you'll be glad you did.

11.  It's perfectly acceptable to lock yourself in the bathroom and tell your children you're in time out.

12.  A beer, alone, while you watch your children play in the yard is perfectly acceptable on a Friday afternoon, Monday evening, or Sunday morning...

13.  Pay is insignificant in the grand scheme of things if you hate your job.

14.   Marry your best friend.  Trust this person to help you thrive emotionally.  Allow yourself to become a better person in their presence.  Know that if you lean on this person they will not crumble, but you must be able and willing to return this favor.

15.  Teach your children to give back to others, it will become second nature.

16.  It's okay to put your immediate family's needs before anyone else's...even if the other people are also your relatives.

17.  Marry someone who makes you laugh.

18.  Don't ever accept the person you are if you're unhappy with any aspect of this person...you can change if you want to.

19.  Change sucks!

20.  When new neighbors move in, bring them cookies, brownies, or another baked good...you never know when you might find your greatest ally.

21.  Say good morning to strangers and hold the door open for the person behind you.

22.  IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP!  (Especially in matters regarding your children...it really does take a village!)

23.  It's okay to disagree with a person you love, just do it with respect (and it's really okay for your children to witness this...teach them how to disagree with respect).

24.  Don't take your freedoms lightly...educate yourself and make decisions based on all of the information you've gathered.

25.  You will doubt yourself as a parent.

26.  You will doubt yourself as a spouse.

27.  Self confidence can cure all of your self doubts.  But arrogance can take away everything you've worked for.

28.  You are only as beautiful as you allow yourself to feel.  Give yourself the clearance to bask in the glory of YOUR beauty...you're not supposed to look like a Victoria Secret's model.

29.  Talk to your mom every day, and end every conversation with "I love you", even if it was only a 30 second phone call.  She could be gone in the blink of an eye.

30.  You are your most important ally.  You will experience hurt and loss and heartache, but don't set yourself up for these things.  If you're not striving for your own happiness, you can't expect anyone else to either.