3-2-1: What I miss, what I love, and what I've learned

You can take the teacher out of the classroom, but you can't take the classroom out of the teacher.  And so it goes...a 3-2-1 for my present day.

Three things I miss about Naperville (not Chicago, because I didn't actually live there).

1. My friends...this goes without saying, really.  All of my friends; the ones I saw every day and the ones I saw on occasion, but knew they were there.  I miss the laughter and the conversations.  Man, I miss the intelligent conversations...I miss seeing their cars in the Target parking lot and last minute play dates.  I miss the gossip.  And the hugs.  And the familiarity of what it means to have friends.  I miss the security that comes with truly being friends with your neighbors.  
2. The food!  Ugh!  This is so unfair!  I didn't even know what a Portillo's hot dog WAS until I moved there.  And I didn't know that giardiniera peppers make the perfect condiment on everything!  And whoa! Garrett's popcorn is an entity unto itself.  Note to self: order some giardiniera peppers from amazon...stat!
3. A school for my daughters where they are loved.  Academically, I could not be happier with their new school.  I think they have adjusted well and they continue to do well.  I have resilient, bright children (if I do say so myself) and they are proving this day in and day out.  Their teachers like them (one of the VPK teachers commented that she wanted B in her class next year...cue my heart swelling with pride).  But it's not the same.  The hugs are not as warm, the voices not as genuine, the friendships are not real.  My kids are happy to be around other kids, but their new friends pale in comparison to their old ones.  When we FaceTime with Bella's old class I am reminded of this like a punch in the gut.  The sincere happiness and joy that crosses the faces of her old classroom of friends is priceless.  I miss that for them.  

Two things I love about Florida.

1. The pool in our backyard!  Until last week I was on the fence.  I didn't know if it would be worth it...it definitely is!  Especially now that the girls are swimming so well, I know that we will spend many days/nights in there!  I'm trying to forget that we don't really have a backyard (especially compared to our backyard in IL) and focus on the amazing summer we are about to have!  There will be plenty of opportunities to enjoy grilling and warm summer evenings.  It's pretty  awesome.
2. All of the memories we are making.  Yes, some of these are Disney related, but many are not.  Bella told me the other day, "Mommy, I like it better when you don't work.  I get to see you more."  And that's what this is all about.  Making memories, even simple ones, with my family.  Snuggling in bed on a random Tuesday morning, picking blueberries, dusting sand out of the girls' sandals as they adjust to the texture, watching them splash in the waves at the beach, burying their daddy in the sand, staying up way past their bedtime to watch the fireworks at Magic Kingdom...the list goes on and on.  And it is incredible.  

One thing I've learned about myself. 

1. Sometimes isolation is liberating.  Last weekend I was told, by someone whose opinion matters to me a great deal, that I seem very comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a very long time.  This was an interesting observation considering a large part of my struggle since moving has been the unease I've felt about not working.  Couple that with the isolation of having made one friend in four months and you have a recipe for a very strong "woe is me" attitude.  And until the aforementioned conversation, I kind of thought I had that attitude.  But I was forced to see things through different lenses momentarily, and psychoanalyze (with all of my expertise) myself.  

Those of us fortunate enough to find ourselves in the exclusive club called "motherhood" put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves.  Let me say this again, we put it on ourselves!  Even when we don't want to admit it, we have placed ourselves on a stage of epic proportions.  Pinterest is partially to blame, and social media in general.  But it is, at the core, our own insecurities and imperfections that  push us into this colosseum of competition.  It is the desire to be "good" mothers and raise "good" kids that creates in us an insatiable appetite for cute birthday parties and healthy dinners, when the reality is that my daughters want colorful cupcakes with cheap plastic ring toppers for their birthday parties and raviolis and frozen green beans for dinner (yes, still frozen).  What should drive us is our children's happiness.  Yes, they need discipline.  And yes, they need boundaries.  Anyone who knows us knows that we have both of these in our home.  But, at the end of the day, don't we just want our kids to be happy?

And this is where I've found myself.  At the end of the competition highway, surrounded by the people that matter most to me, striving, with each and every day, to make sure that we are happy.

I  know the name of one of the other moms at the girls' school.  I've attempted, unsuccessfully, to reach out to several of them.  Have I done everything I can to connect with these mothers?  No.  Have I done quite a few things?  Yes.  When the time is right, the right kids will become friends with mine and I will connect with their moms.  But until that time, I've taken a step back.  And, suddenly, with the removal of competition and "keeping up with the Joneses" I've found peace with myself as a mother and wife.

I put "I ♥ you, B" notes in my daughter's lunch box because I know they make her smile.

I make S lunches that include four different silicone cupcake holders in different colors because she likes to have a little bit of everything in her lunchbox.

We make marshmallow snowmen with toothpicks because it makes them smile.

And we play with shaving cream because they think it's hysterical.

I challenge myself to make new,  healthy meals for the sole benefit of the people who enjoy them (even if I do post them on Facebook...I'm proud of them...I've worked hard to create them, and I really think I should be on Hell's Kitchen, if I'm being honest!)

Right now I'm doing these things for no one else's benefit but my kids'.  There's no one else to keep up with.  There's no one to try to match in style or athleticism.  There are no other kids to compare my own to.  Removing an immediate circle of onlookers has given me a very unique perspective.

I tell my daughter all the time, "worry about yourself".  I guess Mommy knows what she's talking about, after all!

Everyone should have a mom like mine...

There are many times that I ask myself, "How did my mom do it?"  I mean, really?  How on Earth did she manage to raise a child by herself, and at sixteen?

It is no surprise that my mom is young.  We are often confused for sisters.  She loves it.  I used to hate it.  Now I just chuckle at her reaction.  It never gets old.  Today I told her she'd never get the Carter's Grandparent's discount.  They'd never believe her.  Her response?  "I'll show them my phone case!"  I laughed...they'd just suspect they were her children.  Honestly.  No matter.  She loves the attention.  And has a way of making everyone around her at ease, comfortable, and laughing...at extreme volumes!

I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with my mom.  My husband flew her in to relieve me of the parental responsibilities that have been mounting due to his unrelenting travel schedule.  (Although there is now a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!)  I was grateful before she arrived, but that gratitude pales in comparison to what I feel now, as she's somewhere flying over Tennessee (I'm guessing).  And while I've enjoyed the respite of responsibilities, I enjoyed her company even more.  A long time ago I decided not to be sad when she left, but appreciative of the opportunities to visit with her.  She sometimes guilts me into crying: "You don't even love me...see, you're not even crying!"  Which is so far from the truth it's comical.  But I cannot get wrapped up in the sadness of not having my mom here. It's not worth it.  

My mom has an uncanny ability of swooping in and cleaning my house.  In the time it takes me to fold a load of laundry, she's folded three, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, eliminated the clutter from the countertops, bleached the countertops, and completed a craft project with my children.  My husband came home the other night, looked at her, and asked, "How did you do it?"  It was comical, but honest. We cannot seem to find the time or energy to make something like that happen.  

But what she does with the house pales in comparison to what she does with my children.  She has a bond with my children that bridges time and geography.  She managed to get my uptight daughter to tie on a belly dancing skirt and "shake it"!  She brought an entire suitcase full of craft supplies.  She bought dinosaurs to make sure that Sophia knew that she was thinking of her.  She just watched the squirrels out the back window.  She took them on a nature scavenger hunt.  She just had fun.

I often ask myself the very same question that Jason asked in awe.  "How does she do it?"  And I think I finally figured it out.  She never asks.  She just does it.  While the control freak in me would initially say this is the worst idea ever, the exhausted mother in me relishes in this.  She doesn't ask what she can do to help, she just makes it happen.  There are papers everywhere on the counter?  She finds a basket to move them into.  There is an mostly empty drawer in the kitchen and a wooden spoon/spatula holder taking up valuable counter space?  She moves them, and rearranges things.  Dishes in the dishwasher?  She puts them away, without asking where they go.  Poop in a diaper?  She changes it!  (bonus points here!!!)  Laundry and cups might not make it to their exact location, but it doesn't matter.  The burden is removed.  I may spend days (or sometimes weeks) trying to get used to her new layout in the kitchen, but I don't care.  Can't find that coupon that I had for Gymboree?  She knows where it is...just make a phone call.  It's like a reminder of her visit every time I cannot find a travel mug lid.  And I love it.  Because I truly appreciate every small thing she does while she's here.  

If I can be half the mom to my daughters that my mom has been to me, I will have been successful.  I want to raise independent and opinionated daughters (even though I know it will be hard and I'll go gray and I will doubt this decision for several years between the ages of 12 and 22) and I want them to know how much I love them and treasure their head-strong personalities.  I want my daughters to know that when times get too challenging they can pick up the phone, cry for a few minutes then hang up laughing.  I want to impact the lives of my own children more than anyone else's.  I want to love them so fiercely that I disagree with them (respectfully) and point it out. I want to pack an entire suitcase full of my daughters' favorite foods to help them feel connected with "home" every time they open the pantry or refrigerator for weeks to come.   I want to make a scene at the mall when they are 31 because we are so thrilled to just be in each other's company.  I want to make my daughters' lives easier and remind them constantly that they are surrounded by unconditional love and support.  If I can do half of these things half as well as my mom does I will have been successful.  

I'm still learning from her every day; patience, acceptance, kindness, selflessness, and commitment.  She is the woman that I aspire to be.

I'm grateful for my visit with her, but the time between the girls' bedtime and my bedtime just isn't the same without my mom here!

Heading to the park!

Not exactly sure what to say about this...but a lot of laughter resulted!

:0)

A "Grammie and Me" craft

Star gazing

No better after school snack than ice cream with Grammie!

Seriously...?!