Tomorrow is Friday? I had no idea. This week is flying by...
This is the biggest lie of my life! This has been the most insane week EVER! It's Thursday and I've been to work once. And, no, this isn't a good thing. I actually like my job, and was starting to fall into a routine...enter Sophia, stage left! (We cursed ourselves by saying she was the easy one when she was born...she took this as a challenge, apparently.)
Let me back up an entire week. Last Thursday my mom and Robbie came to visit. Friday they kept the girls home from school and they spent the day with them. Just when we thought we had Sophia figured out, switched her to Lactose free milk, she throws us another curve ball. Friday the pooping started, Saturday it continued. I toyed with calling the doctor since it was a holiday weekend (I should have trusted my maternal instinct.) Every time they've seen her in the last 6 months she's been sick in one way or another.
Sophia has ear infections ALL THE TIME. I know that there are parents who have children with far greater illnesses than this. And I cannot imagine that life. This especially goes to my friend Stacy whose daughter had a liver transplant nine months ago. Chronic ear infections are nothing compared to her worry. But this is my daughter and this is my life. The worries are different, but they are worries nonetheless. And they impact our lives. Often. Sophia averages an ear infection a month. Sometimes more. So, when I finally took her to an urgent care office on Monday morning (after taking my parents to the airport at 7:00) I was not surprised to hear she had another one. I was, however, surprised to hear that she had hand-foot-mouth...again. Second time in two months. After I heard that and started thinking about it I came to the following conclusion...
We've been passing this horrible virus between us for two months!!! Yeah, you read that correctly.
I had a sore throat for over a month. (Spare me the lecture...I don't have time...) Jason had a sore throat for a while and trouble breathing...diagnosis: sinus infection and conjunctivitis...I have my doubts now. Bella spent nearly three weeks with her hands in her mouth (she has no teeth left to come in) and refusing to eat (very strange for either of my children). She also graced us with four weeks of waking at least two times a night. She finally straightened out and then two days later... BAM! So, I may not have a medical background, but I'm sticking with my diagnosis.
I spent the two days after Sophia was diagnosed bleaching my house and toys and washing every soft item I could throw in the washing machine; baby dolls, dress up clothes, sheets, blankets, towels, stuffed animals...you name it. There are six baskets of toys on a high shelf just waiting to be back in circulation. I'm waiting. I think I lost my fingerprints during the bleaching extravaganza! And I'm continuing to do it regularly. Next time please remind me to wear the same outfit when I do this...I got bleach on two different pairs of shorts!
The doctor said she could go back to school on Thursday. Shit...are you for real?! It's the second "full" week of school (no school on Labor Day). I knew that Jason was leaving on Wednesday for a meeting. Enter Mommy guilt...stage right. "I can't stay home for two days. I can't miss work. I NEED to go to work." Reality check...my daughter had a fever, blisters in her throat, and an ear infection...and I was worried about work? Yes. I was.
I stayed home Tuesday. Jason's flight didn't leave until 5:15 on Wednesday, so he stayed home then. We payed a babysitter to come over between when he left and I got home (faculty meeting day). We made it through.
Heeeellllllloooooo Thursday morning! I'm up early...making bottles and breakfast, fixing my hair (and it looked good, too), making coffee, and packing lunches. I wake Bella up, get her dressed and brush her hair and teeth. Cup of milk in hand, Mickey Mouse on TV, she's good to go. Long trek back upstairs to wake the little sleeping cupcake. She's warm. "Maybe, she's just snuggly." I change her diaper and she's screaming. "She's hungry." I decided to leave her in her pjs (this should have been a dead give away). She started eating a waffle and drinking some milk and I loaded them in the car.
There was a nagging in my mind. She should not be going to school. She was just warm. Not burning up. But her demeanor was just not right. I looked around her classroom and my eyes fell on one of the other kids. He's little...5 months old, maybe. And it hit me. This is not right. This is not fair. I'm being selfish. If my baby was 5 months old and another mother sent her child to school like this I would be pissed. Really. But still I hemmed and hawed. Fifteen minutes later I was still standing in the room. I looked to her teacher and said, "If I really felt it was okay to leave her, I would have left 15 minutes ago." We left. I called my school. Set up lesson plans. And my day started over...kind of.
Sophia's temperature never spiked, but she did sleep ALL DAY! She took a 3 hour nap at 8:15, then another 2 hour nap at 1:30. There's my answer. Maybe she didn't technically have to stay home, but clearly my daughter's body needed to rest.
But I cried on the way home from her school. Why is this? My ultimate responsibility in life is to my children. It is my duty, yes, duty, to make sure that they are well taken care of. Why is there a societal (and I'll admit I put this stress on myself, too) expectation that mothers are less desirable of employees because they may need to take off of work more often. Before we had children my husband would even struggle with understanding and accepting this from his own employees. I said to him today, through tears, "If I worked for you, you would think I was a bad employee." But the reality is, I don't work for him. I work for a mother and grandmother, who answered the phone with, "How is our little patient?"
I am committed to my career. I love what I do. But I am consumed with the well-being of my children. They are the reason I go to work every day. This is a hard reconciliation for me. I can effectively execute two different roles, mother and teacher. I can be an excellent working mother. I can be a phenomenal teacher. And there will be days when I have to take time off from work because one of my children is ill. And that's okay. It's more than okay. It's the right thing to do.
But I'm telling you, she's going to school tomorrow!
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